When we went for our summer holidays last year, we opted for cheap local accommodation for one of the stops. It was partly because of the savings and partly because we didn’t see the need for luxury hotels when we will be out touring the place the whole day. We found the accommodation online through sites like Airbnb.

When we arrived at the rented apartment, we didn’t expect much. As long as we had hot water in the shower and a bed to sleep on, we were satisfied. Given the cheap price that we were paying, we didn’t really think we would be offered much anyway.

So, we didn’t have a nice view from the apartment. That was to be expected. There was also no large HD TV to keep us entertained. The bathroom was small with no bathtub. Other luxuries like iron and hair dryer were also lacking.

But for a rented apartment, what surprised us was the quality of the bed. It offers a comfortable night sleep. For me, that was the most important thing because a good night’s sleep was what we needed at the end of a tiring day. Unlike some cheap accommodation that give you a sagging and smelly bed, this one is certainly one step ahead.

Then, I was also pleasantly surprised by the overall cleanliness of the apartment. I used to think that budget accommodation means I need to compromise on hygiene but since then I have found out that that is not necessarily the case. While the bathroom was small and lacked a few luxuries, it was clean and brightly lit. On top of that, the  location of the hotel too was very strategic, making it very easy for us to get around the city.

Previously, I would not have looked at apartments for rent for my holidays. But ever since my pleasant stay in an apartment last summer, I’m now more ready to try budget accommodation for my holidays abroad. Sometimes, we do not really need a luxury hotel, especially when we know we would not have the time to enjoy the facilities offered. Budget accommodation will do just as well as long as it is clean and situated close to tourists attractions.

This new year, my cousin moved in with her boyfriend. That got my aunt all riled up because she still thinks a woman should get married and not simply move in together. Before that, my cousin was renting her own place and with her lease expiring at the end of last year, she thought why not just move in with her partner instead. That way, they both can save some money and plan for the future.

So, now there is this cold war going on between mother and daughter. Of course, with her move, my aunt’s impression of her boyfriend isn’t that great either which further widens the rift between the both of them.

I guess when we are living in an age of varying relationship and family structures, we too need to move with the times. If co-habitation is a norm now, can you, as a parent, do anything about it? You can’t. Not only is your kid all grown up with a mind of her own but the more you pressure her to conform to your standards, the worse the parent-child relationship becomes.

So, we keep telling our aunt that times have changed and that it is a different world now. If her daughter is happy and the man she chooses to live with is someone who is responsible and loving, why make it a big issue? But my aunt insists that one should not bend the rules to suit the times and living together is one of them. Her argument is that if you are already willing to live together, why not just get married then? At least, as a woman, you are assured of your status, and there is commitment in the relationship.

It is indeed hard to get through to her and it is also equally hard to get my cousin to see her mom’s point of view. The older woman thinks the younger one is wrong and unwise while the younger woman thinks that the older one is too conservative and living in a different era.

This problem actually brings to mind how ready we are to embrace change and shift our standards to reflect current culture and practice. What the majority see as wrong and shameful in your times may suddenly become the “in” thing now. Can you discard what you have been taught and change your ethics and values accordingly? If it comes a time when you are old and your kids are all grown up and they end up choosing a lifestyle that you aren’t comfortable with but is highly acceptable then, can you close one eye and go with the flow? That is the question, isn’t it?

With Christmas being over and all presents having been distributed and opened, it is now time for another celebration… the new year. 2012 is fast approaching and it is perhaps time to take stock and list down whatever resolutions that you have so that you can achieve them in the coming year.

This Christmas has been fun for us, in fact, it sort of started early, especially for my kid. The weekend before, we were at Disneyland and stayed for a night. Of course, my son had a great time and didn’t want to leave when it was time to go. His new year resolution? To go there again sometime in 2012, I bet!

Anyway, I hope that you had a great Christmas too with family and friends. Hopefully it was a warm Christmas with lots of sweet memories to last a lifetime. For the coming year, I wish you all the best and may it be filled with lovely surprises along the way.

Happy 2012!

I was told an interesting theory that why many women remain single is because they have a romanticized notion of marriage. Rather than looking for a partner to build and run a family, they are looking for someone who must love them for who they are, a soul mate, a passionate lover, and whatever ideas in their head of what constitutes a perfect lover.

In reality, the person you can marry and build a family with does not necessarily have to be the ideal lover you have in your head. The person that you lack the passion for may in fact be the most suitable guy that you can marry and have a few kids with. There may be a lack of love but there may not be a lack of commitment and responsibility. He may be the person that will be beside you for the long haul even though he may not fit the description of a soul mate or romantic lover.

In short, some single women see a need for attraction and romance in a guy when these are supposedly not an important criteria for a long lasting marriage. The person that will make you swoon is not necessarily the most suitable guy to have a few babies with, it seems. Does that make sense to you?

I guess the idea here is that passion and romance can fade, so why make them a must-have when looking for a prospective mate. Wouldn’t it be that maturity, commitment and responsibility more important? The fact that they guy may not be crazy about you but is mature enough to know what having a family entails and the responsibility that comes with it?

Well, if that is the case, the question then becomes, would you settle for someone you only like but don’t passionately love as long as he shows the right qualities of being a responsible husband and father?

Does being in an unhappy marriage makes an affair justifiable? OK, my husband has a friend who is now having an affair. So, he uses my husband as an alibi and tells his wife that he is with him for a round of snooker but then goes out to see the other woman. As a friend, my husband does not want to get involved with his marital problems and he also does not know the wife at all. So, it works for his friend to conveniently drop my husband’s name whenever needed.

Anyway, this friend has a lot of complaints about his married life and he seems truly miserable at home with the woman he married. They have one kid. So, for the last six months or so, he started a relationship with someone he met in the course of his work. Divorce is not an option because of the kid and he is unwilling to go through that at this stage.

So, does an unhappy marriage makes an affair okay? I told my husband that his friend is compounding the problem with an affair. If you are unhappy, then seek a separation. If you are unwilling to do that, then work on your marriage. Hard? Sure, who says marriage is easy, right?

Maybe I’m bias here because I just don’t like him using my husband as an alibi without consent. But I do understand that not all people can have a happy marriage. There are many who have to stay married despite all the problems at home. But is an affair the answer to that misery?

Imagine all the lies that this friend has to tell to maintain his image as a responsible family man. Now, he is using my husband to continue seeing another woman. Next, he may have to lie to cover his credit card spending. What excuses can he give then? So many lies to tell to cover up an infidelity. Is it worth it?

Basically, I just don’t see an affair as a good way out. Yes, you are unhappy in your marriage. But there must be a better solution than continuous lying and leading a life of deception.

As a woman, you do feel appreciative if the guy pays on a date. So, when you eat out together, you expect him to pick up the tab. I thin it is a much accepted practice that the guy pays on the first date.

But if the woman insists to share the bill, it could also be a sign that she is exerting her independence, or she is just not that interested in you romantically. I got this message from a girlfriend recently. She said that if she is interested to go out with the guy again, she will let him pay. But if she thinks the guy sucks, she will want to put in her share for the bill. That way, she says she does not owe him anything and it is a sign that she wants to give to the guy that she is not interested.

Furthermore, most guys would not like it if you insist on paying. But if you are adamant, then it is most likely he would not ask you out again and for my friend, it works well – she is not interested to go out again with him and neither would he be with her after dinner.

I guess it is a trick worth trying out the next time you meet a guy for a meal and then find that you are no longer interested on another date. Split the bill and part ways!

I met up with a girlfriend the other day for a drink. I haven’t seen her in quite a while and it was good to be able to  meet up for a chat after so long. She is now doing very well in her career in a management position. She has been married for about 10 years, with two school-going kids at home.

But… she is still complaining. You may think that being in her position, she should be one very contented and happy woman. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see it that way. She tells me that her kids are giving her problems and her husband is not being too supportive when it comes to helping them with their school work. So, everything falls back on her shoulders and hence, she feels very tired.

In the office, she is seen as one successful career woman. In that area, she is happy that she has achieved so much over the years. But at home, things are not going very smoothly because there is only so much time that she can invest in it given that she has so much work and responsibilities in the office everyday.

Thus, she asks me this: can a woman have it all – successful career, happy marriage and loving kids? She has thought about quitting her job earlier but decided not to do so because she thought she could handle it all. But now, she is not so sure.

The advise has always been to maintain a balance in all areas of one’s life. But that is certainly easier said than done. When there is an emergency meeting to be held in the office, there is no way you could go home early to attend to your kids. When your decision is needed urgently and you have to go through a stack of documents beforehand, that is what you would need to do before you clock out for the day, even if it is already past 7.30 at night.

In other words, work and home both compete for my friend’s attention. And she has only so much she can give. So, can a woman have it all? Maybe not, if there are sacrifices to be made to climb the corporate ladder, and those sacrifices may well prove to be too high a price to pay for success.