Mom.Dad.Chat

Sometimes, I get all these interesting comments for my post on getting a married man to leave his wife. Reading through them, I can only conclude that when love hits, we cannot always be so rational to do what is best for ourselves. Even if the person is married or may not be the ideal mate for you, love will make sure that you remain stuck, at least for a while, in the relationship. That is, until you can’t take the pain anymore or you finally realize that there is no future in the relationship and gather the courage to pull the plug.

I don’t know. I haven’t been in a difficult relationship before whereby the person is less than ideal as a partner. But I certainly have tasted love before and know what dating feels like. So, I know that when you fall madly and deeply in love, you always get this feeling that you can’t live without the other person and even a day apart is a real torture.

In that way, I understand where all these women are coming from when they post their comments about being with a married man. When love strikes, you just can’t leave. It takes clear rational thinking and an ability to take the pain of saying goodbye to leave a less than ideal partner. 

Some would suggest that choosing to stay with a person who is unsuitable to be your mate and short-changing yourself is indicative of some sort of baggage from the past. Maybe it is, maybe it is not. But then again, can we choose who we want to fall in love with? Is that possible?

Nowadays, the trend is to buy flat screen TVs rather than the traditional box type. They are less bulky and look much nicer compared to the previous generation of TVs. In fact, I think the older type of TVs are slowly being phased out as the newer ones are becoming cheaper and more affordable.

Moreover, the flat screen TVs give you the option of hanging them on the wall or putting them on TV stands. If you have space constraints, the ability to hang the TV on the wall would certainly be nice.

Otherwise, a great looking TV stand could enhance the decor of your room and double up as a place for your other audio and video equipment. What you can have then would a a home theater system to watch all your favorite films in the comfort of your own home.

The other day, a friend was complaining to me about her married life. The root of her complaint was about fairness. She felt that it was unfair that she needed to do the bulk of the housework while her husband only does some chores when it suits him.

So, I told her that men and women always have different standards of cleanliness. If you think some cleaning ought to be done and you expect him to do it, then you are bound to be disappointed if he has a different definition of what is “clean” and “dirty”.

Anyway, the crux of the matter is about fairness. How much one party does or contributes more to the household than another. It can be about housework, money, child care or any other issue that revolves around the home and family. I ended up telling my friend that in a marriage, you can’t really measure fairness.

I don’t know whether others would agree with me but I think that you can’t always keep score in a marriage. That if you do so much, your spouse should do an equivalent amount or ideally more. If you need to do more of the housework, maybe your spouse feels he is also contributing more when it comes to finances. So, how do you measure that if both of you are earning an equivalent amount of money each month? Do you make him do more of the housework and you start to contribute more towards the household expenses to make everything balanced out? What is fair and unfair here?

To me, fairness in a marriage can never be a 50-50 thing. You may carry a heavier burden of the home on your shoulders but what is more important is that your efforts get appreciated and noticed. There is no point wanting everything to be fair when it will lead to grudges. In my friend’s case, she ends up nagging and getting angry when her husband doesn’t contribute as much to do the house chores. So, her husband complies to escape her wrath but grudgingly. Both end up sulking each weekend. Do you think it’s worth it, just because you want fairness?

Sometime last year, my parents decided to go on a holiday and ended up looking at Vegas vacations. They like the idea of an entertainment style of holiday and from friends’ feedback, they made the decision to visit the famous city.

I guess they wanted to look at the various casinos and play all the different slot machines. Anyway, they came back feeling happy that they visited the unique city. All the photos they took indicated so with the brightly lit casinos as the background.

Maybe I too should take a vacation in Las Vegas. Then, I will be able to see for myself all the sights rather than just hear about them from my parents and others who have made their way there.

How often do you fight with your spouse? Is the fighting normally a cold war or an all-out shouting match? The other day, I could just hear a couple fighting really loudly in the apartment unit directly opposite mine. This is not the unit beside mine but some distance away and yet, I can still hear them shouting at each other. My husband were even asking me if we should inform the guard downstairs judging by the intensity of the argument.

After a while, though, the noise died down and I guess the couple must have gotten tired of the shouting. Well, if you need to fight with your spouse, I think there is a good and bad way to fight. Shouting on top of your lungs won’t achieve anything except alerting all your neighbors that you are having a big disagreement with your spouse at home.

In a marriage, you can’t escape the fights. I haven’t met a couple who haven’t had a conflict at all. It’s just impossible not to have disagreements now and then when you are living with another human being. But when conflicts arise, you also need to solve them in a constructive way. For me, I will simply shut down when I’m angry. After a day, when the anger has died down, then there is a better chance of communicating rationally. Sometimes, all it takes is for a night to pass and the next day, everything is back to normal.

I guess when anger takes hold, you cannot see things rationally. But once the anger has passed, the issue itself will suddenly seem inconsequential. That’s what usually happens in my case, anyway. When I wake up the next morning, the issue seems so petty all of a sudden that it is not worthwhile anymore to have a conflict over.

Maybe it all have to do with the need to give-and-take. And the need to keep your mouth shut when anger takes root. That would help to keep the peace in a marriage and prevent a conflict from escalating.

I really think it’s time for me to get a new laptop. I have installed too many programs in it that it takes some time for the laptop to boot up each time I turn it on. I certainly need a faster computer with larger memory space to run all the programs and store all my files.

The laptop that I have is only a few years old but looking at the specifications of today’s range of laptops, the one that I’m having certainly seems obsolete. So, it’s time to buy another and leave the current one as a spare.

I think I would like one with a bigger screen now. It seems easier on the eyes if I’m staring at it for a few hours everyday. I guess it’s time I start shopping around for some models to consider now.

Do you always know what to write each time you log into your blog? Or do you sit in front of the computer trying to come up with something interesting to write each time? Well, that’s the problem of maintaining a blog. You run out of ideas at times, especially when you have been blogging for a year or more.

I think the problem with me is that I can’t stay committed to a project for long. I always like to jump from one thing to another. As a result, I’m always tempted to start blogs but never really have the motivation to carry them on. It has got me thinking that perhaps, I should start specialty blogs and then, just sell them like what I did to my poems site.

I like to write but I don’t like to confine myself to writing the same old stuff every single day for years. If I don’t turn on my PC and start writing a few lines or pages a day, I would feel that something is missing. So, I have started to write short ebooks instead. It fits my style because I can complete one topic and then move on to another topic that strikes my fancy. At least, this is what I have done lately. I have begun writing ebooks with resale rights that I just put up for free.

Now, again, I don’t know how long I would keep this going before I start looking at starting something else. Hopefully, by the time I start feeling bored with it, another buyer will appear to take it off my hands. Hmmm…. wishful thinking, perhaps!