Jan 07 2008
Age Kids Start Dating
At what age do kids start dating these days? And according to your parental standards, at what age should kids start dating? Judging by current trends, it certainly looks like parents have little say in the matter of when their teenagers do start dating.
I don’t have a teenager living with me now but why do I say so? Because whenever I go to the shopping complex downstairs from my apartment block on schooldays, I never fail to see teenage couples, still in their school uniform, cuddling or even kissing in secluded corners. I think they are probably only 14 or 15 years of age.
Do their parents know what they are doing? I doubt it because I believe many Asian parents would still frown upon their kids having a romantic relationship at 14 or 15. Perhaps Westerners have a different standard when it comes to their teenagers dating but the bottomline is, parents most probably would have a difficult time when their kids’ hormones start raging.
I once heard an advice from a parent that nowadays, it is pretty useless nagging your kids not to involve themselves in a relationship. He said that you are better off telling your kids how to protect themselves because if they do start dating and having sex behind your back (eventually all of them will at some point or other), they will know how to do it safely. Sounds a bit radical for Asian parents, I know, but I think it is also the reality of today’s world.
So, at what age did YOU start dating and at what age would you allow your kids to start dating? And would you set different standards for your sons and daughters?
Kids here in USA started dating at teen age… My neighbor’s daugther got pregnant at the age of 18, gave birth and married 2 years later… She has 2 kids now, 3rd coming soon and she’s only 21… Go figure!
I started dated at 17, it was junior prom and my Dad about scared my date to death, unfortunately from a parenting standpoint, I think I was late in the game. Most of my friends were allowed to date as young as 13 and that scares me! Then of course I wanted to be allowed, but now I am glad my parents wouldn’t let me. As for my kids, I will try to push it off for as long as possible, but who knows what your kids do when they are at school or with friends once they are in their teens, thankfully that is a long way off for me!
Take Care
LJ
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i started at age 21..I think it’s the culture here to start dating at the age of 13 …dating at young age is not a bad thing but they should know what to do and what’s not!
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Yup…I do see a lot of young couple - teenager hugging and kissing in shopping mall, or doing ‘romantic’ stuff as they would call it….I don’t like to see it, but, as a teenager before, I do understand their hormone level…
I only started dating when I was 18 yrs old, and for my kids, I do wish they would start dating late too, but, I know I can’t stop them from doing it…maybe, just by close monitor them……ha,ha…..I don’t have daughter, so, I don’t really know or will ever think how to monitor daughter lor…
My parents would NOT let me start dating until I was 16! At the time I thought it was totally unfair - but now I totally get that and hope to do the same. We’ll see!
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Personally, I started dating at 16, but not seriously (or often). I married my “high school sweetheart” who was (still is) a year older than I was (and am). We married when I was 21 and have been married now for 15 years with two kids (12 & 4).
My cousins daughter is “dating” and she is 13, but it’s more of a crush thing and probably lots of giggling. Of course, they live very far apart, in different school districts and their “dates” definitely involve chaperones (and “chauffeurs”).
My own daughter, I would like her to wait until about 16 at least. Preferably 30.
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I didn’t date until I was 16. That was my parents rule and even then, we were encouraged to group date rather than single date. And our dates had to pick us up a the house and come to the door, and we always had a curfew. We will have that same rule with our boys, and expect them to treat the girls they date, accordingly. I joke with them that they can’t date and get married until they’ve graduated from college though.
I didn’t date a lot anyway, not even when I got to college. My sisters all had boyfriends in high school though. I think kids today date far too young and are encouraged to think about and want relationships at a very young age.
And, parents do have control over things, especially if you have an open dialogue with your kids.
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I started when I was only 14
Although I would like my children to start late, but their own mummy started so early, am I still in the position to educate them?
I started 20, but I think it is considered a bit late. I guess it is right that we should expect them to start earlier and educate them instead of refraining them. It is easily said then done - I’m sure I’ll probably do the opposite when the time comes. We would like the kids to talk to us, instead of hiding everything - if we refrain them, they’re likely to still do it but at the back - as you rightly pointed out.
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haha…i think my sons would be lucky as i believe i would not be the very strict type with teenage rel/ship……as i started early too, when i was Form2 (14/15)….like u said i might present them with condom on their 15th birthday……haha
But with daughter, i’m not sure if i’ll be doing the same…..
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Good question!
I am just starting into the teens as my oldest will be 13 this year. I think we may have different standards than other parents but I think 14 or 15 is too young for exclusive dating. I’m going to encourage my kids to stay friends and date in groups until they’re at least 16.
My greatest desire is for them to learn to respect the opposite sex, so they don’t just take from someone else to fulfill their own needs but think of how they affect the other person.
I may be crazy and old fashioned but I’d really like them to wait until they get married to have S.E.X. We’ll see how it goes. I’m pretty freaked out about it actually!
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I have two 15 year old girls and they don’t date yet. I dated when I was 14 and 15 and that is too early. I don’t think I could stop my girls from having boyfriends at school, but I wouldn’t allow them, at this age, to be seriously dating. I think they could go to the movies with a group of kids, but not on dates - not yet. Luckily they haven’t, either one (too busy with sports and school) had a serious boyfriend yet - so I haven’t had to deal with this yet. Have a good week. See ya. kellan
I started at the age of 17 yrs old with my hubby. So you say leh, if my kids started to date at this age, I think I will be just one of the sporting parents and let them be. But must make sure they will not anything which is against the law.
Hey, I got a tag for u - Do you spare the rod tag. Check out my blog.
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I’m a late bloomer.. first dated when I was 21 yo! But I think kids now date in their teens, judging from what I see in the malls… Don’t think we can stop that so I think we should educate them instead on what is ok and what ’s not…
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I think it depends on the kid and the relationship with his/her parents. I don’t believe there are standards for when to start dating but having said that I wouldn’t like my 12,14, 15 year old daughter dating. Perhaps 16 is a good age?
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I didn’t date until college…..and nothing serious until after college graduation. Not that my parents discouraged it, I was just focused on my education and all the guys around me seemed so boring and immature.
My daughter is only 3 so we have several years to wait, and it will depend on how mature she is as to when she can date. And what kinds of guys she starts to bring home.
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My eldest bro started to date at 15 yo and had 4-5 girlfriends b4 being married to my sil. He’s so domesticated now. I started to date my hubby when I was 17 yo. It’s true, it’s quite useless nagging our kids not to do something coz it’s unlikely they will listen when they are blinded by love (speaking from own experience
) Just advise them to take precaution and not to do anything that they will regret later.
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I guess I am kind of old fashioned -or mean…but I always told my girls they weren’t allowed to date, or have boys call the house till they were 16…it was somewhat succesful, my oldest didn’t have any relationships till 18,my middle girl (snuck dated ) some guy for two weeks in grade 8….but said she appreciated the restriction…it gave her excuses to not join in the trend. we talked alot about it and she said she sees all her friends dating …having sex and having their hearts broken so much…she thinks it is stupid. She has now made a choice at 17 to not date till she is decided on a future. (funny thing is-that is the only area she never got into trouble. Same with my youngest, but she also tells me about all her hot crushes….LOL I don’t know if this would work for everyone…but it worked for us…(dating pressure is immense)
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i only started dating with my hubby when I was 22. Nowadays they are lot of youngsters who start dating when they are in secondary school, some of them even in primary school. scare or not??? I dont agree to start dating during school time. but world has change, we can’t contol….
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Now, I’m beginning to admire you. You can indeed be a great writer, Audrey. Why don’t you go for it?
Back to your question, I think the more you stop the children, the more they want to try. So, we just have to educate them on safety before they reach teenage years.
I myself started when I was 21. So, I hope my children will start at that age too but I just can’t force them.
By the way, I have linked your post on sacrifices.
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agree with others, we need to educate them.
I juz hope that they will start after their secondary school, so they can concentrate at their study and more mature …
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We were allowed to go on ‘group dates’ at 15, and ‘just the two of us’ dates a 16. However…I didn’t actually start dating till I was in my early 20’s.
I’m terrified about raising teenagers!! It’s so scary when you hear about kids as young as TEN having sex. WHAT?!?!
As for whoever said there’s no use nagging your kids about relationships, but to rather give them the info they need to protect themselves ’cause everyone will eventually have sex behind their parents’ backs…I DISAGREE!!! It may seem like it’s impossible these days, but there are still some people out there who wait until marriage to have sex. My hubby and I were both virgins when we got married, and I’m hoping and praying that my girls make the same decisions that we made. And I pray that we find ways to help them make that decision — not necessarily from ‘nagging’ them about it…but praying and talking openly. I refuse to give up on my children’s generation!!
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Oh what a diverse subject. I personally started dating at 16. However, I was a mature 16 year old who had graduated high school already.
I really think it is hard to pick an exact age that would be ideal as all kids are different and mature at different ages.
Now, I did marry and have a child VERY young. But I hope my children will wait until they have completed college, as it is hard to go to college, be a wife, and mommy at the same time. Or at least it was for me.
I do not regret anything at all, but if I had it all over to do again, I would wait some time.
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Well I can hardly criticise kids today because I met my hubby when I was only 14 and he was 15! We were together for about 6 months then we split and didn’t see each other for 8 years, but then met up again and have been together ever since - 35 years and married for 33! Young love can work!
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I think it is good for kids to date for several reasons, but the most important is that they are doing it while they are living at home, under the guidance of their parents. They can test out being in a relationship without getting into trouble.
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I didn’t start dating until I was about 18. My first serious boyfriend was in college at 19.
I was so shy in school that I was way too scared to even talk to boys, let alone date one. My parents never had any specific rules.
I, however, will have specific rules. I think kids date seriously WAY too early now. They are really incapable of handling a serious relationship. I plan on not letting my girls date until at least 16. And even then, they won’t be having a boy pick them up in car and go out alone until probably 18. I plan on being strict. Not unreasonably strict, so that they rebel, but strict enough that they focus on what they should at that age, school and college and NOT relationships. Too many kids get in too much trouble.
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As a mother of a daughter who will soon be fourteen I think 30 is an appropriate age for my daughter to start dating. LOL! Alright, she probably won’t wait that long, but I can dream can’t I?
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My thirteen year old daughter tells people I have told her she can’t date until she’s sixteen. I have no recollection of telling her this but it sounds okay at the moment so I’m going with it. But I do like Tammy’s idea of thirty….
No matter at what age they starting to date, the most important thing is to teach them safety first..
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I’m 40 and I had my first “date” at 14. My parents knew the boy and I was allowed to go for a coke during daylight hours - I called a date but they didn’t. I always had a 10pm curfew, even at age 18. I wasn’t allowed to go out every single day either.
We have 6 kids, ages 15-21, four of them boys, they all started dating about 15-16 years old. So far we only have one grandchild (from the 21 year old)