Jan 29 2008
Living Together Before Marriage
Couples living together before marriage nowadays are no longer an exception but a norm. There are many advantages of living together before marriage but due to personal, cultural or religious reasons, many people also choose not to do so. There are certainly disadvantages as well but at the end of the day, it really depends on each person’s comfort level to decide if cohabitating is the way to go.
Personally, I lived with my husband for about a year or so before we got married. Prior to that, we were already a couple for about 10 years. By then, I knew him inside out but still, the experience of actually being cooked up with him in an apartment for 7 days a week, 365 days a year was a little different from just being a dating couple. For instance, I knew he tends to wake up in the middle of the night and watches TV on some nights but when I started living with him, it annoyed me greatly as I’m a light sleeper. I suppose although you may undertand your partner well, you won’t really know whether you will be able to stand all those annoying little habits until you live with him.
So, the advantage of living together before marriage actually gives us the opportunity to iron out all these little quirks between ourselves. Furthermore, when I finally decided to get married, the year of living together meant that I knew what I was getting myself into and what to expect from my partner.
The disadvantage of cohabitating before marriage is that there was no excitement and that magical feeling when I finally tied the knot. For all intents and purposes, I was already leading a married life but was just lacking a certificate to make it all legal. And people have also mentioned to me that living together without getting married also makes a relationship a little flimsy as the final act of commitment is missing.
Whatever the pros and cons of living together before marriage are, I still like the idea of cohabitation. Of course there are no guarantees but I’m that type who likes a little security of truly knowing the person before marrying and not too fond of surprises. I guess it all boils down to what we are after out of the relationship and what we can live with when it comes to such an issue.
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Yup, I stay with my hubby too before marriage, which I know it is not suppose to be since I’m a christian. Guess, maybe, I’m too poor during that time, I need hubby to support me as well as become my driver ;P…anyway, I do agree with you saying that staying together before marry, will make no more surprise during marriage ceremony. Just like fullfill the traditional of making it legal ;P
My family wouldn’t like the idea of living together b4 marriage. So we oni moved in together after the registration, but b4 the traditional ceremony. Yeah… there wasn’t much excitement after we’re done with the traditional ceremony. It was just a formality n a day to be the centre of attention.
slavemom’s last blog post..Splashing Fun
My man and I have been living together since 2001. In 2005, we had our twins. It’s 2008 now and we are still living together in a common-law relationship.
That said, I am known to do everything backward and upside down. Yes, the older people in the family (like great-grandparents) were shocked when we announced our pregnancy, however, ever since C&L were born, at least five unmarried couples I know have had kids.
It’s just the way of life now. It’s more common to attend baby showers than it is to attend bridal showers. Seriously. I have not been to a wedding for over ten years. It’s just the way it is.
We can try to change it, but it’s not the olden days anymore and props to those who go the traditional route, but honeslty, what’s the point of a piece of paper “saying” you are married?
Being married is so last decade. People want to be happy now, not bound by a $25,000 wedding ceremony/reception bill.
Huckdoll’s last blog post..My Friend Is Making A Baby. What Have You Done Today?
eh, why wake up in the mid of the nite to watch tv ah? u force him to slep very early is it.
i hv tried both ways and yes, there are pros and cons. if u wanna hv kids and his assets, then get married lor.. hehe..
I lived with a guy, who I thought I would marry, for almost 7 years. I did not realize how hard and stress-packed our relationship was until I left. Then I met my future hubby and I told him I would never move in, unless there was a ring on my finger and date on the calender!!! We lived together for our entire engagement -and he is the best thing to happen to me..It is wonderful.
My SIL is living with a guy right now and everyone is so excited for her, especially since they are taling kids…but they are not talking marriage…he does not believe in it - she does…I am keeping optimistic and hopeful that things work out…but I am leary at the same time…I feel bad about that - but I do, because of my past experieinces.
Thanks for visiting my blog. And YES! You NEED the google reader - I am saving tons of time and not feeling guilty about neglecting the kids!!!!!
Laura’s last blog post..Refuge of the Unimaginative
My hubs wanted me to move in with him far sooner than I did. I didn’t until we were engaged–had a ring and a date set. I didn’t want to give up my independence and my very belongings–it’d have been my furniture going to the curb–without confidence that he and I had a future.
To me, marriage is important. It isn’t so for a lot of people. For them, I see no problem with living together, I guess. But for me, I didn’t like the idea of moving in without the big commitment–that escape hatch was still there–and then getting married “later.” Once you then get married, the idea of that escape hatch may still exist since that was how you entered into things. And for me, for marriage, when the going gets tough, you work it out. Dating, you walk away.
I did live with CS for a year before we actually married. We’d been together three years before that. And now married for five. So I guess its working out!
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My husband and I lived together for five years before we got married, mostly for financial reasons. I thought it was funny how it still made a difference when we got married. I can’t pinpoint exactly what changed, but something did, and it was most certainly for the better!
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..Keeping it on the Down Low
Hi!
I lived with hubby for some time before getting married too. I think it is an important experience because it’s definitely not the same to date than actually living with your partner. One discovers and shares many new things.
Have a nice day!
wen’s last blog post..Pain
well, things changed I suppose… got this friend whose mum asked her to quit her job and move in with her boyfriend of 5 years! Unbelievable? Oh, I need to add that she and the boyfriend are not in the same country and they were having some challenges. But is this going to solve those challenges I don’t know…
btw, got an award for you
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No, didn’t do it. And not just because my mom would have killed me (yes, even at age 32). I guess I am old school. And it really was not any big revelation when we did get married. I knew him so well, that I really can’t think of anything that was a big surprise. Of course, we spent so much time together before that, that I really knew him inside and out.
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I moved in with my hubby just a few months before our wedding and only because the house we bought insisted on a fast closing. We both did not want to live togethr beforehand. I had gone that route with an old boyfriend and it was a painful break up and hubby is a good Catholic boy…:) I would advise against it for the most part because I believe people - young people especially - drift into living together for the sake of convenience and then a few yers later say things like “well, we’re practically married anyway,” when they actually skipped all the heavy consideration that goes into making a concrete decision to spend your lives together.
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I think it will depend on individual. For me, I can accept it.
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I was a TA for a college level Sociology course this fall. In the textbook there was research cited that the divorce rate for couples who cohabitate is higher than those who don’t. However, I found it interesting that in student papers, nearly everyone said they had lived with their spouse before getting married. (most of the students were middle aged moms going back to school.) Almost everyone said living together isn’t an ideal situation, but that they chose to do it anyway.
My DH and I did not live together before we got married. There were no major surprises after we got married, and I’m glad we waited.
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Mr Wonderful and I live together
as a Christian I feel a bit funny about it
so Im working on it
Im going to ask him to marry me on leap day SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
We have always spent weekends together
and at the end of last year we moved in together
Id like to make it proper
but agree it lets you know what your getting into to
thanks for another good topic my friend
I LOVE reading your blog
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Interesting and thoughtful post.
We did not live together and I totally agree with Don Mill Diva’s reasons for not doing it. We didn’t for religious reasons as well.
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My hubs & I also lived together for a couple of years b4 we registered. In total, we dated for 10 years before we actually tied the knot.
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I am against living together until after you are married. I can see that it would be convenient to work our those quirks ahead of time — but really, if you can work them out before getting married, you should just as easily be able to work them out after.
Andrea’s last blog post..i think i’m starting to get the hang of this…
I lived with my husband before we got married. I think it’s a great way to know if you are ready for marriage.
My parents would never allow me to move in with my boyfriend.They are conservative.
sweetiepie’s last blog post..Wearing Glasses
In the Netherlands it is normal to live together before married. Some time they don’t married at all, just live together. But they registered by goverment as “samen wonen”. In English, “living together”.
We lived together before marriage. And, I did not feel it made my marriage any less special. Something was different after the wedding.
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My girlfriend and i are plaing on getting an apt. next year. I have brought up the pros and cons on living togather unwedded. As we both looked at it, divorces occur no matter if a coupple lived togather before or after marrige. I have truly seen that it depends on the people. To take it into account it’s like many things, i.e. The military is good for some, others it’s just flat out bad. Truly all I have to say is, know what you are doing and the person. Same goes for people who get married before moving in with each other.
Well living togather is living for the world. God would never aprove. or bless this kind of life. His word the bible tells his only way. just read proverbs. God tells you to run from such as this. God is comming soon. all unrepented he can’t even look at. you either repent and live for him or you will be lost. men will lie to you . but God never does.