Jan 31 2008
Parental Pressure
What are your expectations when it comes to your kids’ academic performance? As parents, it is only natural that we want our kids to succeed academically but how much pressure is too much pressure? In many families, parents’ pressure on their children’s education can be enormous resulting in highly stressed kids who are constantly afraid of disappointing their parents or facing punishments for grades not achieved.
In Hong Kong, many parents actually sit with their kids daily to do their homework with them as well as revision when exams are near, especially for those kids at the primary level. Parents are also fond of buying extra workbooks for their children and many are also sent for private tutoring for subjects such as Maths and English because this is a very competitive society that values scholarly achievements.
I do believe that some kids thrive under pressure while some are just plain lazy and a little pressure will actually motivate them to perform. But I also think parents need to recognize that not all kids are academically inclined. Not all kids are fast-learners. Not all kids can excel in a broad range of subjects taught at school. So, setting realistic expectations and pressure level based on each child’s personality and interest would be more rewarding in the long run for both parties.
Over here, I always ask my husband why Hong Kongers like to push their kids to score high marks in ALL subjects? I mean how many of us are wired in such a way that we can excel in both Math and Chinese, for instance? Moreover, I have friends that were much smarter than me back in school but they are also struggling in a 9 - 5 job like everybody else now. So, are our kids’ high scores worth it in relation to the parental pressure that we may have subjected them to, when grades will have little bearing on whether we will succeed in our working life?
Having said that, unfortunately, I’m also a conformist. And I live in a place that have this mad rat race whereby everyone heap some kind of parental pressure on their kids to succeed academically. I don’t want to but more likely than not, I would have to. Just not too much, I hope.
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I help my daughter with her homework every night. I think it is something that every parent should do to ensure their children get the most out of their education.
I have to sit with My Trier to do his homework
he finds academic work very hard
I dont push him too much
but i know where hes up to for him and I expect him to try his hardest
we are homeschooling this year so i guess ill be sitting with him a whole lot more
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Hmmm. Timely post for me. I’m going through this right now. I have to pick a high school for my eldest. One is good but not as academic as the other, but a heck of a lot more affordable. Eldest child does well at school and will do well at both places but I think I need to slow her down a bit as she is a perfectionist and I don’t think she needs the stress. On the other hand the academic school will give her a GREAT education… What to do. What to do.
I know who won’t be doing that (sitting and doing homework) in the family–it would be ME!! hehehe…:-)
shireen’s last blog post..Clowning around
We’re not at that stage yet, but we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make sure he ‘gets it’. I’m scared already.
MamaGeek’s last blog post..For Moi?
I have high academic standards for all of my children and the reason is because, like I explain to them - not everyone can do it. If you can do it - achieve A’s or a high grade point average - then do it - it is a gift. If you don’t use this gift - then you waste this gift! I was not a child that had the ame abilities that my children seem to have - I push them to be their very best. I always try to do it fairly though - there is not punishment involved - only reward. I’m a big believer in rewards for high achievement. That’s just me. Take care. Kellan
My goal is for my kids to be happy and do their best. If they are doing their best and are still happy, that is enough.
I do love helping my kid with his homework though. It’s fun watching him learn and get excited about learning.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Impression Management
So far, I still let my kids keep playing everyday….while I busy watching tv or etc….**aiyoohh** but, I guess I might be ‘kiasu’ when my boy enter primary school in future…..I don’t know, but, I tell myself, I will definitely try not to pressure them too much if they are not born academic excellent..
All I know is that I was a horrible student from about 8th grade on, however, I was smart. I just didn’t apply myself.
I really want my daughters to apply themselves and get into wonderful universities and if I have to, I will bribe them with money and cars.
Okay, maybe not bribe, but encourage. That would have been the kick in the bum I needed to apply myself!
Huckdoll’s last blog post..Ummmm. Snow?
not there yet… but I don’t think I’ll be that strict.. my mom was very strict with me when I was younger and I felt very pressured… until when I was in secondary school, I told her that I would like to go at my own pace.. she agreed and gave the occasional push when I needed it.. school felt better then
sting’s last blog post..A “Less” Day!
I sit with Alycia everyday to do her homework and she’s only 4 yo. Sometimes, she needs some pushing and scolding but sometimes she willingly takes out her homework from her school bag and does them when I am too busy.
shireen’s last blog post..Mother’s Love
Sending kids to tuition classes in their primary yrs r a norm these days (in M’sia). Hubs said he won’t do that, n that he doesn’t really care if the kids don’t do well in schl. I hope I won’t succumb to society’s pressure n be a kiasu mom. Kids deserve a fun childhood.
slavemom’s last blog post..The Hunt For Detergent
I sit and do ALL schoolwork with my kids everyday (I have been homeschooling for 4 years). It’s like having a private tutor for every subject. I think it is the way my kids learn best. They have natural bents and abilities in some areas and struggle in others, but still do what they need to. Kellan was right…intelligence is a gift. But kids don’t always have the maturity to recognize what that means yet. Working with them daily is a gentle way to keep that realization front and center in their thoughts.
I would have been a much better student if my parents had put some pressure on me. But I am afraid of putting too much pressure on my son, especially as I’m homeschooling.
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I try to sit with my kids when doing her homework.
But she rarely have homework and besides i can’t find any workbork here.Very limited.
sweetiepie’s last blog post..Wearing Glasses
Hi, there! Catching up on your posts I’ve missed! I have to sit with my son to do his homework, because he gets so super distracted, he will otherwise not have anything to hand in to his teacher the next day, if left to his own devices!
But coming from Singapore, and friends back home who feel the stress for their children, the pressure to keep up is there, whether they like it or not. Children, though, I have noticed, they don’t feel the stress as much, if they enjoy what they are doing. So like if we think it’s stressful for a kid to go for too many extra-cirricular activities, he or she may not think so, simply because it offers a nice balance to just all work.
I think that’s important, that it’s not just all work, but some play, too! And play, of course, can be quite a motivator for my son! (On the other hand, I can see why there’s also the term “vomit blood”).
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I sit with my eldest son every morning to coach him on his homework. However, I don’t do that with my 5 year old and my 3 year old. They are just too young. Too much pressure is not good but if we do not sit down with them, we are not doing our best. Just my thoughts.
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