Feb 29 2008
Falling in Love with a Friend
If you fall in love with your best guy friend but unsure of his feelings, what would you do? Falling for your best friend can be a very tormenting experience because if you decide to reveal your feelings, an invisible boundary is crossed that may make the relationship not the same as it was.
My husband once had a colleague who fell for a man who has been her good friend since university days. They were coursemates but over time, her feelings for the man grew. At that time, both were already working and busy building a career but they still met up pretty often for a drink now and then.
She did not tell the man how she felt because she thought it was too high a gamble. Meaning she was afraid the warm friendship would not be the same anymore if the man has no romantic feelings for her whatsoever. And I guess she also realized that the chances of the man taking the friendship one step further wasn’t so high for her to reveal her feelings.
Anyway, she saw the man went through a few relationships of his own and consoled him during those heartbreaks. Eventually, the man found his life partner and got married. She also has moved on and is dating a guy now but it took the friend’s marriage to completely snuff out all hopes simmering in her heart.
Sad story, really. But if you find yourself falling in love with a friend, there are only 2 alternatives available, to tell or not to tell. If you choose not to tell, then the outcome will most likely be similar to my husband’s friend’s story, unless of course the other party has the same romantic feelings for you and expresses them. And if you choose to tell, there are also 4 possible scenarios:
- The other party reciprocates and both are happy,
- The other party does not want to hurt your feelings and tries to give the relationship a go,
- The other party rejects your advances and becomes uncomfortable with the friendship, and
- The other party rejects your advances but everything remains status quo.
I guess different people have different tolerance level towards rejection and the risk of losing a good friend. But my opinion is tell anyway because at worst, you lose a friend or see less of that person. If you don’t tell, you’ll never know and to me, it’s better to know once and for all than carrying a torch for years; one bitter swallow if need be than slow burning torment.
Tell or not to tell - your call?
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My husband and myself were friends first, but to answer your question I think that if you don’t say anything you will never know.
say something…that’s how my hubby knows my feeling for him.
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Geee…if you ask me, I really don’t know how to answer, cause I never in that situation…..I only can say if I experience it….but, hidding the feeling sure not easy huh?
I will just wait for him to start first
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I think I’ll drop hints and if he respond that’ll be a good sign.. if not.. hmm, maybe I’ll drop more hints
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I would say, to tell. If too shy to say it directly, just some hints a few times and I am sure he’ll get the meaning eventually….. then the next step is see how he responded to it better than keeping quiet about it.
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I think I would say something…My hubby and I were really good friends before we started dating, and if it wasn’t for the friendship over the years I don’t know if the romantic part would have lasted. He is still my best friend….
My hubby and I were really good friends before we dated. Then he came straight out and admitted he was interested and a light bulb went off making me see him in that light.. Together for almost eight years now (married four of them).
I’d give hints 1st to c his reaction. If he’s that ‘dumb’, I think I’ll tell him directly. It’s not ez to love someone secretly. As for the weird feeling if it was not reciprocated, I believe we’d be back to normal in due course, if we r truly good frens.
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