May 15 2008
What is Happiness?
I came across an interesting article recently that states that generally, people are very poor at predicting what makes them happy. And the thought that children will make people happy is one of those illusions.
In fact, in the article, a psychology professor mentioned that peoples’ happiness actually take a downward turn after they have children and their happiness will only return to the original level when their kids leave home. This is because having children entails long periods of irritation and boredom while moments of joy can be fleeting.
So, does happiness means not having children? How can that be when all parents will openly tell others of the joys their kids bring and that all the sacrifices are worth it? Perhaps the joys may be few but are heartfelt and meaningful while the irritation and boredom have been accepted as part of the being a parent. So, we pushed those negative emotions aside or learn to live with them and assumed we are happy with kids running around us everyday. I may not be right but it does make sense in a way, right?
Anyway, humans have been conditioned to reproduce that not many couples are willing to look at the other alternative of not having any kids at all. Furthermore, when people look at others cuddling or playing with their kids, they too would yearn to have their own. I guess it is only natural for us to long for something we do not have and assume that would give us happiness. Few would stop to think if having children would actually gives us more or less of that happy feeling.
Interesting propositon by the professor, isn’t it? So, do you believe having kids makes you happier?
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This might be a “grass is always greener” scenario where someone sees a couple with a child and yearns for it, and the couple with the child sees the single adults and years for that.
I certainly wouldn’t say that children increase happiness (they don’t fix marriages either), but I wouldn’t say they decrease happiness either. Happiness is up to each individual person.
Thank you for posting this. It really made me think.
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Attempt to Find My Passion v.1.0
I think happiness is in the eye of the beholder…nothing is going to “make” you happy, its an inert state that you have to maintain regardless of your circumstances. There is always plenty in life to make you happy and plenty to make you unhappy.
But…having children has been a great source of free entertainment, and I have a lot more real fun since having kids.
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Kids, whether our own, or when we get to hang out with others’ kids, do have a way of bringing smiles to our faces… sometimes when we least expect it! As a mom, most of the time it’s when I see my kids happy, I’m happy, so I have to say such happy moments do outweigh the lower moments that are part of family life, and life itself.
“Don’t worry, be happy” is not easy to do, but guess to a large extent, it’s something we need to “will” ourselves to want to feel that way! And staying positive, looking on the bright side of things is what I remind myself to do… I try!
You have a wonderful rest of the week now!
bp’s last blog post..As they grow
I think having an extra person to love n love us in return, is always a happy thing. N it’s even happier when he/she is ur own flesh n blood.
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I think the mind is powerful and it actually controls how we feel. If we can train our mind to be that powerful, not to allow little things to make us unhappy. I guess, we would be happy whether we have children or not.
Having said that, I think children can bring laughter as well as tears. Before having children, we have certain things to be happy about and after having children, the source of happiness may shift somehow.
I do not believe having kids will make me happier although I am not married yet. The only thing I believe about happiness is it comes from our own mind and soul of what our desire is during that time. If we desire to have kids and found out we’re pregnant with one, that would be a moment of happiness to us. And vice versa.
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“This is because having children entails long periods of irritation and boredom while moments of joy can be fleeting.”
I’m just glad to see this recognized by the professionals. Everytime I see a mommy blogger extolling the endless joys of motherhood I want to laugh maniacally.
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Does the professor have any kids?
I don’t speak for everyone but having a kid (and kids hopefully) has given me much happiness than I’d ever imagined. Of course I do complain about all the hardwork that comes with looking after her but most of it stems from the fact that I don’t get much help from the hubby (or anyone else for that matter). I’d be a total wreck if ever I lose my daughter. In that sense, she is my source of happiness.
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My kids make me very happy! I know I would be miserable without them.
I believe you have to choose to be happy…that being said…I have a lot of fun with my kids…
I would said, kids will make you happy if you are ready to welcome them to this world(ready to those challenges in raising them)….otherwise, kid will make your life miserable.
i think they do despite all the challenges in raising them
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for me, happiness come from many source and one of them is from my 2 lovely kids, to be honest I feel happier with them around.
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