Jul 11 2009
When you Have Complaints About your Spouse
My husband was mentioning to me the other day that his eldest sister is a little dumb. The reason being she tells everything about her married life to their mother. To him, he feels that there are certain things about one’s spouse that shouldn’t be told to other family members. Going by his logic, quarrels and dissatisfaction between husband and wife should be kept private between the two people concerned.
Well, in my sister-in-law’s case, she is not having a particularly happy marriage. There are a lot of problems between her and her husband. So, each time there is a quarrel or disagreement, she ends up telling her mother because she calls her often to chat. What happens then is my mother-in-law begins to see only the bad side of her daughter’s husband. Remember these are only one-sided stories from her own daughter because the son-in-law are not there to defend himself.
The problem is when you already dislike someone, each subsequent negative comments that you hear about the same person would only strengthen your dislike. Therefore, every complaint from my sister-in-law now about her husband would naturally attract anger from her mother. Furthermore, it is difficult for a mother not to side with her own child in any dispute.
The result? My mother-in-law ends up making the problem worse by pouring fuel into the fire. If your mother agrees with every bitter word you say about your spouse and adds in her own negative comments, don’t you think you will be even angrier with your spouse?
So, that is why my husband has this opinion that his sister is a little silly to tell everything to their mother. Close family members, especially parents, have the capability to influence your thoughts. To tell them all your marriage problems and complain about your spouse could potentially hurt your relationship because of the negative comments they may make that can influence your emotions and thinking. In other words, they can stoke the fire.
I know a lot of people do have much to share with their parents and siblings. The question is how much about your spouse and marriage problems should you reveal to those closest to you?
true true true…. very silly act to tell EVERYTHING… and also very silly to spark FUEL to the FIRE…. like mother like daughter….?
Of course everyone need somebody to listen to their problem… i myself also talk to my own mother, when certain things arise… like conflict with the habits or behaviour of the in laws… hehe.. because i know.. it’s very unlikely my mother will tell my problem our to other realatives…
I do try to solve things myself… only when things a bit cool down and not a very impotant issue anymore… then i’ll tell my mother and most of the time make a joke out of it…
I like to read your blog bout relationships….
Linda’s last blog post..Clay Day