Aug 18 2009
Is There Fairness in a Marriage?
The other day, a friend was complaining to me about her married life. The root of her complaint was about fairness. She felt that it was unfair that she needed to do the bulk of the housework while her husband only does some chores when it suits him.
So, I told her that men and women always have different standards of cleanliness. If you think some cleaning ought to be done and you expect him to do it, then you are bound to be disappointed if he has a different definition of what is “clean” and “dirty”.
Anyway, the crux of the matter is about fairness. How much one party does or contributes more to the household than another. It can be about housework, money, child care or any other issue that revolves around the home and family. I ended up telling my friend that in a marriage, you can’t really measure fairness.
I don’t know whether others would agree with me but I think that you can’t always keep score in a marriage. That if you do so much, your spouse should do an equivalent amount or ideally more. If you need to do more of the housework, maybe your spouse feels he is also contributing more when it comes to finances. So, how do you measure that if both of you are earning an equivalent amount of money each month? Do you make him do more of the housework and you start to contribute more towards the household expenses to make everything balanced out? What is fair and unfair here?
To me, fairness in a marriage can never be a 50-50 thing. You may carry a heavier burden of the home on your shoulders but what is more important is that your efforts get appreciated and noticed. There is no point wanting everything to be fair when it will lead to grudges. In my friend’s case, she ends up nagging and getting angry when her husband doesn’t contribute as much to do the house chores. So, her husband complies to escape her wrath but grudgingly. Both end up sulking each weekend. Do you think it’s worth it, just because you want fairness?
My husband is very good helping with the house work. He doesn’t do it as good as me, but I appreciate his effort. I’m very lucky.
Tammy’s last blog post..Wednesday Memes
I just wish that my hubby would be helping more around the house, but I cant complain much since i am not working now! He go out and find money, i stay and do the housechore!
Rose’s last blog post..Ready to go?
Rose,
if the shoe was on the other foot would he do it ? would you help around the house if you were the one working ? of course you would. Fair is fair. As long as both partners are giving…both partners are receiving no matter who brings in the doe.