Nov 15 2009
The Wife Knows
I was listening to a radio program recently that invites people to call in to discuss about their life problems. Most of the time, the issues are about love and relationships. I guess people will always be faced with love and relationship problems as it is never easy to be rational when it comes to matters of the heart.
One caller recently was a woman who is facing marriage problems. She said that she saw signs of cheating in her marriage and after quietly doing some investigation on her own, she now knows that her husband is having an affair. They have 2 kids and for more than a year now, she has been keeping quiet about what she knows. Her question was whether she should confront her husband and risk him leaving the family for the other woman.
Listening to her story, it sets me thinking that perhaps most women would know if their husbands are cheating on them. They may not know immediately but sooner or later, they will find out, either through their own gut instinct that something is not right or they stumble upon some kind of evidence.
I think it is hard to cheat for a prolong period of time and not let the wife know. After all, if you live together, you can’t really hide everything, right? Even if you can be extra careful and not leave trails, you can’t really hide your emotions and lies all the time. It will be hard. If it is a one-night stand, it is easy to get away with it. But a long term affair is something else altogether. It involves strong emotions.
I guess a lot of wives may just be like the woman caller above. They know but they are just confused as to what to do. Or they are scared to make a decision because they do not know what the future would hold. So, they keep quiet and pretend everything is normal, hoping that the problem would just go away one day. After a while, perhaps, they also learn how to live with the cheating and not let it affect them too much.
I know of wives who accepted their husbands’ infidelity. They are of the older generation but I guess even younger wives do make the same decision to live with a cheating husband for various reasons.
I live with a cheating husband who brings in a total of about $5 a month and I still do not understand why am with him. I tell myself it’s for the sake of our two children but sometimes I think about it and wonder if it’s worth it at all. I can survive on my own as I take care of myself and my children (and the lazy husband) all on my own month in month out for the last 5 years now.
I know one day I’ll get tired of it but I still want my children to be happy.
I suppose it is complacency and fear of the unknown. In some cases, the man has badly battered the woman’s self esteem, she just cant leave..
I never believe any woman who says she stay on in a loveless, cheating marriage for the kids. So, that the kids will not be affected, the kids will still have a father, etc.. But seriously, what do take kids for? They are not dumb and stupid like we want to think they are.
Kids in such situation are always affected and it is in a very negative way. Kids can feel the unhappiness and most of the time, they are not be able to express their confusion and unhappiness. And the saddest part is that kids will be badly affected by this “stay on” arrangements. I think kids will do better if their parents in such situation sit them down and explain to them what happened and the solution.
Yes, they may suffer a bit from a divorce initially but if steps are taken to cushion such impact, these kids will be able to overcome and move on with a position attitude towards marriage/relationship or opposite sex.
I think woman have to realise that they are empowered to make decisions and must have the courage to do what is best for themselves and kids. Women must never hide and find excuses for their own weaknesses. They have to confront it and conquer it!