Can you Move with the Times?

This new year, my cousin moved in with her boyfriend. That got my aunt all riled up because she still thinks a woman should get married and not simply move in together. Before that, my cousin was renting her own place and with her lease expiring at the end of last year, she thought why not just move in with her partner instead. That way, they both can save some money and plan for the future.

So, now there is this cold war going on between mother and daughter. Of course, with her move, my aunt’s impression of her boyfriend isn’t that great either which further widens the rift between the both of them.

I guess when we are living in an age of varying relationship and family structures, we too need to move with the times. If co-habitation is a norm now, can you, as a parent, do anything about it? You can’t. Not only is your kid all grown up with a mind of her own but the more you pressure her to conform to your standards, the worse the parent-child relationship becomes.

So, we keep telling our aunt that times have changed and that it is a different world now. If her daughter is happy and the man she chooses to live with is someone who is responsible and loving, why make it a big issue? But my aunt insists that one should not bend the rules to suit the times and living together is one of them. Her argument is that if you are already willing to live together, why not just get married then? At least, as a woman, you are assured of your status, and there is commitment in the relationship.

It is indeed hard to get through to her and it is also equally hard to get my cousin to see her mom’s point of view. The older woman thinks the younger one is wrong and unwise while the younger woman thinks that the older one is too conservative and living in a different era.

This problem actually brings to mind how ready we are to embrace change and shift our standards to reflect current culture and practice. What the majority see as wrong and shameful in your times may suddenly become the “in” thing now. Can you discard what you have been taught and change your ethics and values accordingly? If it comes a time when you are old and your kids are all grown up and they end up choosing a lifestyle that you aren’t comfortable with but is highly acceptable then, can you close one eye and go with the flow? That is the question, isn’t it?

Related posts:

1. Who Should Make the First Move?

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